Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
