I have demons in me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
