Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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