she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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