I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
