Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
