I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
