Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Still dying that you shit outside
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
