First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
