if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
