haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
