I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
