fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
