I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
