He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
