Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
