Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
