You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
