the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
