ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
