Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
