I wannas sexs uuuuu
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
