I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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