It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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