Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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