A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
