Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
