I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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