my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
