Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
