The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
