FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
