I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
