consequently i now know what mace tastes like
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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