The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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