If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
