I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
