His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
