and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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