Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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