so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
