Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's just like the Real World with babies
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
