Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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