Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
