I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
