To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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