Whats the glycemic index on semen?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
