Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
