Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
