so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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