You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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