why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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