apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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