You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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