Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
