White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
