I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
