2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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