last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize