from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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