the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
