Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
