It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
