This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
