I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
