Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
