i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
