I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
