i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize