Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're like the curious george of whores
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
