i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
