Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
