what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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