just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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