I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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