A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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