ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
