bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize