So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
