had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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