Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
