dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
