there's paper in my vomit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
