I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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