I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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