look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
