I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
