people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
