Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
