So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
