she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
