He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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