i think my tv is drunk
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
