I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
