Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
