Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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