I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
