i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
