Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize