did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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