im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
