we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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