A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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